SO. You might be wondering why I would post this picture on my blog. Maybe it looks gross to you, I am not sure. However, it was my delicious homemade meal for the night. One of my favorite things this year in the midst of crazy chaos, is coming home to my apartment in Pasadena, turning on some tunes, lighting a fire, opening the porch slider and listening to the cars drive by, and cooking dinner. Tonight was obviously an interesting concoction. Besides the little scoop of fresh pressed almond butter from Whole Foods and the grapefruit, I made an egg-white/Mexican tortilla dish. It was super simple- egg whites, cilantro, salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Next I put some cheese (actually its soy cheese from my roommate) and let that melt. I put that in a warmed tortilla (low carb of course) and topped it with avocado and salsa. HELLLLLO delicious! 🙂 Actually, to be honest, it turned out a lot better than I expected. As much as I love to cook, I tend to make some very interesting, sometimes unappetizing things when I experiment. But that’s what you have to do when you start living on your own- experiment and hope that one day you turn out as good as your mom’s food. Which I don’t know if that is possible- but I am proud of my cooking development since freshman year 🙂
I am trying to enjoy these moments in my apartment, cooking and doing homework. As much as I don’t like homework, I am realizing that soon enough, the homework will be gone and I will be preparing lesson plans day in and day out, and spending lots of time in the classroom, trying to get a hold of this whole teaching thing. And though I still have to go to school for my credential, there are WAY too many options on the table right now. SDSU, Cal State San Marcos, Cal State LA, stay at APU and work on campus, Cal State East Bay, Saint Mary’s… and with each decision of each of those schools there are at least 3 options that could pair up with them. AH! If I think about it too much, I can get a little overwhelmed, because I really want to end up where God wants me. Truly. But as I met with my mentor today, she spoke something so true over me, something I too often lose sight of. No matter where I end up- no matter what location, what apartment, what program, what school, what job, he has it all under control. Once I give my options over to him, and ask him to guide me to the right place, that is all I can do. I have no control over the final outcome, and as I seek him, and do all I can to figure out all the options, he will work it all out. He will. Yes, he will. SO I continue to lay it all before the Lord and trust. Because it really does all come down to trust. He has guided me through my entire life until now, 22 years and counting, so what makes me worry that he won’t follow through yet again? And as He spoke to me so softly on an airplane last semester as I was flying back from the Bay Area, “Ally- just as I have been faithful with the past, so will I be with the future.” And breathe. My blood pressure definitely just decreased. Maybe that is a little dramatic, but I don’t think we always realize the burdens and weight we carry around with us all the time, worrying about the things we have no control over, or worrying that we won’t be in God’s perfect will, that we might mess up and there would be no way to turn back. But wait. That goes against who God is, his very character. So I am reminded to rest assured. God keeps the world spinning, he continues to fill my lungs with air even as I write this. And as the Bible says, if he cares for the sparrows, the birds, etc. how much more will he care for us? He breathed life into our formless beings, placing us perfectly as we are. We have been made perfect by design. And I need to learn to rejoice in that more.
Seeking God’s best is amazing and rewarding and fulfilling, but we can’t let it pendulum all the way to being fearful that we won’t meet his expectations or get to just the right place, that we will miss the bar. Because that means we have missed the point entirely. God just wants us to seek him. He gets so excited when we just acknowledge him, let alone chase after what he has for us. He will be faithful to complete it all. He will be faithful to answer, respond, display, portray, and give us grace where we need it. Always. That is a guarantee.
And of course, we SO don’t deserve it. But because we don’t deserve it, I think that realization should cause us to live even greater lives of praise for God. He is might. Oh so mighty.
Hope you had a good Monday- yay for Tuesdays! Goodnight