this picture says it perfectly.
change is coming.
and while i tend to really enjoy change, it’s getting a little difficult.
i have been realizing lately that conversations with some of my closest friends are changing.
our conversations are no longer about the cute boy on 2nd north, pranks we are going to pull, what classes we will be taking next semester, what intramural teams we will join, what our summer plans are, how hard the 4 months apart will be, how much we dislike the caf food, or what changes we wish would happen on campus.
our conversations are now about the rest of our lives. we are talking about graduate school, relationships, who we are now and who we hope fits into that, where we will be living, what God is revealing to us about the far future, who we have become over the past 4 years and how God has prepared us for what comes next or for our post-graduation steps we need to be taking.
things are changing.
i sat across from two of my closest friends last night, listening to Meg’s parents talk about how amazing this relationship is. how amazing it is that we have been through these 4 years together. since day 1. literally since the beginning of this journey at APU. i looked at these two amazing women across from me that God has transformed in the last 4 years. we are lifetime friends. forever friends and i am so excited for that. but these last 4 years have zipped by. what happened to the nights we could care less about what happened post-APU? or the nights where it seemed like we would be on this campus forever.
now we are preparing ourselves for the months, dare i say years, that could possibly go by without seeing each other. and while we know that none of that matters and that it will feel like no time has passed at all, its what we are talking about.
difficult. exciting. nerve-racking. emotional. anticipation.
why so many options? sometimes i wish there would be a one way sign that would tell me exactly where to go and what to do. granted, i know that in reality that is not what would be best. but having options is so strange.
being up in redding with rachel was so strange. so amazing, but so strange. talking about graduation and what will happen after. staying up in redding and substituting? going to san diego and living there for a couple years? what if i do teach for america? so many possibilities. and as we said goodbye at the sacramento airport, i remember looking at her (knowing we wouldnt see each other for awhile) and saying, “we have been doing this for 4 years, i know we can do it for a few more months. and then we graduate.” but then it hit me as i walked into the airport, watching her drive off. what happens after this summer? we have counted on these last 4 summers to catch up, to do daily life together and make up for the two semesters we just spent apart.
she will be up in redding most likely, and Lord knows where i will be. what does that look like? does anything change? do we prepare for anything like this? or do we just let it happen and deal with it as we go?
these are things i have been thinking about lately. friends that i can not live without, yet that i will live (distance-wise) without for awhile after we graduate. friends that are unlike anyone else. friends that know me better than i know myself sometimes. friends that i could not do life without.
so needless to say, there are changes coming our way. we are the graduating class of 2011, and while we have known how to do life together for the past 4 years, things are going to look very different soon. and that is exciting, and it isn’t to say that it can’t be better than it has been these past years. because i feel like it can only get better, more hilarious, more dependable, more challenging, more shaping, seeing what God has for all of us, and watching it all unfold. It is just different. and that will take some adjusting.